As I’ve discovered insights about myself and the world, I sensed that my duty was to help people realize these “truths”. However, even when meaning well, actively giving people “guidance” can have negative effects. Carried away by my own views, I offered unsolicited criticism or advice. Not only were my tips ill-received, but they often led to unwanted consequences. People closed themselves off, fearing judgment for their opinions and ways of life. My wish to help was genuine, but my methods were counterproductive. My attitude conveyed a disrespect for people’s freedom to be different, as I believed I had the answer.

Respecting others’ boundaries when you truly feel you’ve realized something, especially an unconventional truth, can be challenging. For example, it’s hard to experience the immense benefits of meditation and not bring it up when people mention their anxiety, anger or depression problems. Or wake up to the fact that meat production is a major ecological problem without flooding your social circle with pro-vegetarian propaganda. Yet pushing our views thoughtlessly is not only annoying, but actually harms our cause. When we bother others by invading them with our ideas, they react defensively and reject realizations they might otherwise benefit from. Ironically, if only we were less in a hurry to “wake them up”, perhaps they’d genuinely show interest.

When an insight transforms our world view, it is natural to want to bring others with us. Yet, we can’t expect others to draw similar conclusions, even facing the same facts. We, humans, tend to underestimate how biased by our past experiences we are, and this leads to misunderstandings. Always keep in mind that the mind’s favorite past-time is to create stories justifying the way you feel. Most of your ideas are therefore nothing more than the rationalization of instinctive emotional reactions to your environment. Don’t believe everything you think!

Perhaps you’ve seen this from the other side when friends became vegans, anti-consumerists or followers of some ideology. Even with valid arguments, it can seem like they’ve turned into salesmen for their ideas. Being approached by someone intending to persuade is off-putting, and blocks equal exchange and honest discussions. These situations generate tension and frustration on both sides, and rarely give birth to insightful realizations.

A honeymoon period follows most major insights. During this period, your brain adjusts to its new reality, and feeling frustrated by others seeming inability to see reality from your perspective is understandable. In a way, this can be a sign that you’re becoming wiser: you’re breaking out of your shell of preconceived ideas about reality, and can’t help but see delusion everywhere you look. Some realizations are dramatic and returning to normal after them can prove impossible, which isn’t necessarily bad.

Yet, this sense of frustration can also prevent further growth and massively limit your positive impact on the world. Being confrontational is a symptom of immature realizations and you need to grow beyond the “angry preacher” phase to be meaningful. There’s certainly a place for debates, but if you’re constantly in fight-mode and arguing left and right, soon people won’t even bother listening to you. You don’t want people to avoid you for fear of confrontation.

However, it wouldn’t make sense to keep our insights to ourselves when they might be useful to others. Despite our biases and weaknesses, it is possible to positively influence others. We all have invaluable mentors or friends who’ve had a major impact on our lives. But how do we find the balance between respecting people’s right to think differently and sharing our insights?

Focus on what you are, not what you say

I believe that people listen to what we are much more than to what we say. I don’t focus on changing others’ thoughts and views, but on what I convey as an individual. By living mindfully and according to my ideals, I’m confident that I influence the world more positively than by actively seeking conflict. I have stopped knocking on people’s doors ; I wait for an invite.

To have an impact on those surrounding you, they have to first see for themselves that you’ve understood something valuable. It’s easy to get caught up in judging the outside world and neglect our own actions. I’ve seen people so passionate about “world peace” that they behaved aggressively to those not living up to their standards. Their claims, even when intellectually valid, were meaningless. All I heard was frustration and judgment.

Nowadays, I rarely speak of meditation unless someone brings it up. Letting go of the constant urge to assert my ideas is a relief and allows me to concentrate on my practice. Yet, I’m having more mutually beneficial conversations about meditation than ever before. Some people, who had never shown interest before, even asked me to teach them.

The wisest words uttered by a frustrated person have no impact, because they aren’t spoken with wisdom. Sages need not speak before you discern intriguing things about them. You can’t shortcut this process by trying to convince people that they should want something. Let that happen naturally. Remaining unperturbed by stressful circumstances is the most powerful statement of mindfulness you can make. It’s also harder than repeating what you’ve heard about meditation, which is people criticize more than they practice.

If you live by your wisdom instead of preaching it, you will notice something interesting. People will unexpectedly reach out and open the door for discussion. This can be unsettling at first. I certainly was surprised when a stranger randomly came up to me and asked “you are Zen, aren’t you?”.

Behaving wisely and respectfully is not a means to an end either. Making room for alternative points of view and letting go of the urge to bring others to your side also teaches you as a lesson of humility. We develop healthier relationships and learn a lot more when we actually listen to what others have to say. Give people space to share what they think and how they feel by holding back hasty judgments and opinions. You will be surprised by how insightful your friends are when you give them the chance.

Besides, remember that people have the right to refuse awakening to certain truths. Humans can have drastically different goals, from the simple to the grandiose, and no purpose is ultimately more valid.

“Three metamorphoses of the spirit have I designated to you: how the spirit became a camel, the camel a lion, and the lion at last a child.”

Nietzsche represents the stages of human growth with four creatures : the Spirit, the Camel, the Lion and the Child. The metamorphoses are the three
massive paradigm shifts one has to go through to move on to the next step, until one finally becomes a Child.

I find his view of human growth tremendously empowering and insightful. It’s been a major catalyst for my personal growth, especially lately, when I realized I was “stuck” at the Lion stage. Here’s the way I see and apply it.

The Spirit, or the Sheep Stage

The first stage of Nietzsche’s metaphor is the Spirit. The Spirit is rather invisible and unremarkable. It represents humans who live passively, take no risks and fear discomfort more than anything.

The Spirit’s behavior is sheepish ; it’s a creature of routine and safety whose purpose is to get by. Sadly, many seem to live in such paradigms: people who approach life as victims or who don’t take responsibility for themselves are Spirits. They live a resigned and fearful existence, not accomplishing much else than surviving.

To grow, the Spirit has to transcend this paradigm by rising to the challenges of the world with courage and power. Only then will it undergo its first transformation.

The First Transformation – Spirit to Camel

Having decided to use his own power to overcome itself, the Spirit becomes a Camel. The Camel is a carrier, a beast of burden. It voluntary takes on weight to see its limits and isn’t intimidated by discomfort.

The Camel is not merely getting by, to the contrary, it demands the maximum out of itself. It yearns for more than the comforts of a safe and predictable life. He thus takes the challenges of life head on.

Yet, the Camel is still limited by its inability to destroy and create. Despite its courage and strength, it bows down and out of a sense of duty, accepts the weights placed upon it. These weights are what the Camel is supposed to do. We’ve all grown up with such weights on our shoulders:

• You’re supposed be polite
• You’re supposed to believe in this religion
• You’re supposed to go to college
• You’re supposed to get a real job
• You’re supposed to follow the rules
• You’re supposed to be good

Faced with these responsibilities, the Camel is eager to show its skills and knowledge. Although it has faith in its capabilities, the Camel doesn’t question the values and obligations imposed upon it. It is a “nice guy” that does not ruffle feathers. The Camel only proves his strength and power by conforming to the subconscious rules he lives and thinks by.

I see the Camel as an accomplished person who still lives in the “Matrix”. Whereas the Spirit lost at the game, the Camel “wins”. Yet, the Camel is similar to the Spirit in that it doesn’t challenge the game’s rules. Both live in the same jail.

Being an enthusiastic seeker, the Camel explores, learns and experiences this jail (or the “Matrix”) to its full extent, but doesn’t escape it. If it fails to question the fundamental assumption of its world, the Camel could spend its whole life jumping through imaginary hoops, becoming nothing more than the “emperor of its own jail”.

However, the Camel who longs for truth can also wake up and realize the pointlessness of living according to values and paradigms that are not its own. Realizing that it is not free, the Camel begins its following transformation.

The Second Transformation: Camel to Lion

Seeing the absurdity of living in a golden cage, the Camel becomes a Lion, who craves freedom above all else. Unlike the Camel, the Lion sees that nothing stops him from rejecting moral codes and duties. Determined to get liberated from external values, obligations and assumptions, he is ready to fight.

The Lion discovers that what he held as true and good is nothing but a reflection of what others led him to believe. There is no such thing as universal truth or morality. The Lion thus begins destroying what others have built up inside of him.

The Lion realizes that nothing stops him from imposing his own will upon the world. Despite having eliminated all his hurdles, the Lion’s existence still depends on existing structures. He is reactive because he only exerts power against what already exists. His freedom is negative in nature ; he is free from the jail, but doesn’t know how to live without it. His existence, so far, has been either for the jail (as a Camel) or against the jail (as a Lion). He has never lived for himself.

For the Lion to truly break free of slavery, he has to completely let go of the idea of the jail and create his own fresh and innocent existence without it. If he continues defining himself in opposition to the jail he has escaped, the Lion will get stuck, being just as controlled by it as if he was still imprisoned. The Lion is a means for something greater, not an end in itself.

I can intimately relate to the Lion. For most of my adult life, I’ve literally been obsessed with freedom. What I desired more than anything was an escape from systems and expectations created by others. Aware of the chains and constraints that came with seemingly harmless worldly pursuits, I strove to break free from them with all my will. In the past years, I’ve thus focused on eliminating physical and mental burdens (I discuss what I did in this post).

Recently, something I hadn’t experienced since childhood arose: a feeling of profound freedom. For the first time, I was not limited by external circumstances, whether it be obligations, commitments or money. Yet, another question came to the surface:

Freedom… for what?

By focusing so much on achieving freedom from the world, I had forgotten what I wanted freedom for. There I was, lying in an ocean of nothingness, on a blank canvas… I had nothing to fight against, and didn’t know what to do. It was like getting the blank page syndrome… with my life.

Having destroyed his jail, the Lion is left with emptiness. To become a Child, he has to let go of this process of destruction and stop saying “no”. He must create his own new meaning from emptiness. Instead of reactive, the Lion has to become proactive.

The Third Transformation: Lion to Child

Once the Lion has acquired freedom by rejecting the influences of the world, he has to forget his past and move on to a new beginning ; he must become a Child. Seeing life as a joyful game, the Child uses the emptiness left by the Lion to create his own meaning.

The Child is not seeking for external answers or approval. Unconcerned with the worries and expectations of the earlier stages, he is affirmative, confident and just doesn’t give a */$%. The Child’s life is not a reactive battle against external forces anymore. Instead, he continuously creates his own reality out of a state of play and cheerfulness. The child is not interested in solidifying his “identity” or his newly created values; he perpetually lets them go and builds new ones.

I love this ideal of returning to a state of playful and empowered childhood. Personally, I am struggling with transitioning from the Lion to the Child. The habits I developed as a Lion helped me break free from what I found limiting, but now these habits are limiting me. I look forward to using this precious freedom to create a fresh and empowered life.

I don’t see Nietzsche’s map as a one-way, but rather as a cyclical and fractal process of accumulation, destruction and creation. At some point, the Child may realize he’s becoming a Camel by clinging to some identity. At that point, he’ll have to transform into a Lion to break free, and therefore resume creating as a Child.

If you haven’t read Thus Spoke Zarathustra yet, do yourself a favor and get your hands on that epic book. It offers practical insight to anyone looking to question their own belief systems/values and overcome themselves. You may also want to check out my list of Great Books.

Not unlike humans, Sims got moody when they stood up for a while or faced prolonged discomfort. For maximum happiness, they needed luxurious chairs, a comfortable bed and an expensive bathtub.

We tend to apply a similar logic to our own pursuit of happiness. As we grow, we invest lots of time and money creating a comfortable living space, assuming that, like Sims, added comfort will provide us higher well-being. But how wise of an investment is this?

Comfort as a drug

Have you ever noticed how quickly you get used to new “toys”? Whether it’s a next-gen phone or a cozy couch, things lose their freshness rapidly. The satisfying buzz they provide doesn’t last, because our brain gets accustomed and ends up taking them for granted.

It is common knowledge that relying on drugs for happiness is an ineffective strategy; the body eventually demands more stimuli to feel “okay” and brings one into a downward spiral of endless fixes. But this pattern of needing more and more to feel all right isn’t unique to drugs.

Although comforts—like drugs—provide temporary relief and pleasure, we tend to get accustomed to them. We then require more luxuries to keep the same sense of satisfaction and begin chasing new toys. You might know from experience how easy inflating your lifestyle is, but rarely do we see people willingly lowering their consumption level.

People living a luxurious lifestyle may seem to have it great. But they’re hardwired like you. They too are used to their own degree of comfort. Regardless of how extravagant their consumption may seem, they aren’t feeling much different; they envy those having more and wouldn’t be comfortable living with less. They need more to feel like you.

There are many things we get used to and then believe we need. By increasing our needs in this fashion, we become increasingly dependent on our environment to feel satisfied. We raise the bar for what we find acceptable, thus making happiness a bit harder. Like spoiled children, each new convenience transforms us into a slightly pickier and somewhat more intolerant version of ourselves. Our roots gets stiffer and we lose flexibility.

Getting accustomed to some level of material comfort is like needing a constant drug fix to feel okay. This is a dangerous gamble, because external circumstances can change unpredictably. What if comfort didn’t require as much stuff?

Freedom from comfort

Fundamentally, comfort is simply a healthy, non-reactive relationship to physical sensations. It isn’t found in objects: a mattress isn’t comfortable unless you are comfortable in it. I believe we have more to gain from developing a mind that’s at ease in changing circumstances than from filling our environment with artificial comforts.

How free would you be if you were comfortable with discomfort?

It is not my aim to convince you that some way of living is superior. My intent is to open your mind to the possibility that you’re not stuck in your lifestyle, and that alternative and more efficient ways to live exist. This might not appeal to you fit well in 9-to-5, or if you prefer stability and comfort over freedom. But chances are you’re not particularly fond of Monday mornings.

I’m writing this for the mass of people who are disenchanted with modern work culture and crave freedom, yet can’t find their way out of the rat race. I was in your shoes, literally disgusted by the lifestyle that society had laid out before me. Trust me, there are other options than the endless circle of work and consumption people call “living”. You can reclaim sovereignty over your own fate. I did it. Here’s how I live free:

Freedom from work

From a young age, I found it puzzling that people had to work so much. They seemed caught in a loop of work and obligations. I always had a vague feeling that life should improve over time, but growing up didn’t look like a good deal. Adults were stuck in a stressful lifestyle, not out of choice, but out of need. Not unlike prisoners, some eagerly waited retirement.

Work itself wasn’t the problem, it was the worker lifestyle that repulsed me. Depending on someone else for my income, waking up to an alarm clock, driving through traffic, obeying a boss, living on a schedule, asking permission to take days off … I already hated school’s rigid structure, and the thought of spending life this way depressed me.

Was there a way out? Living differently used to be hard. Both ways of generating income, by selling time to an employer or by selling value as an entrepreneur, required heavy commitments. Moreover, the costs associated with maintaining a job were so high that working part-time was not an option.

I feel immensely lucky to have been born right on the edge of the 21st century, providing me with mind-blowing tools to live outside the box. Internet allows for location-independent work, and makes it relatively easy to start a small business. Work can now revolve around your life, instead of the opposite. Tim Ferris’s The 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich is an excellent book describing this revolutionary concept.

Inspired by this idea, I’ve focused on income generating opportunities that require little commitment and don’t compromise my freedom. That meant turning down high-paying job offers and opportunities that didn’t fit the lifestyle I was aiming for. To most, turning these offers down was a risky and unwise choice. In retrospect, I’m incredibly grateful I had the courage to act with my gut feelings in these crucial moments.

I now strictly work as a location-independent professional for about 10 hours a week. Not quite the 4-hour workweek, but surely getting there. I’m building a few streams of passive income on the side, and am well on my way to reaching financial independence at around 30 years old. “Freedom 31!”

However, freedom from work wouldn’t be possible without another choice:

Frugality, or freedom from financial worries

How much does one really need? I never understood how, with modern technological advances, most people still only seemed to “get by”. I realized that instead of increasing their freedom, people used money to inflate their lifestyle. Simply put, they prefer having more “stuff” than working less.

Pursuing luxury and comfort doesn’t appeal to me. I’d rather have tons of free time than piles of possessions. I’m firmly convinced that we don’t need much to be well and happy. Western culture is built around careless spending; I see the standards of living of the middle class as a black hole of waste and neglect. My answer to 21st century wastefulness is frugality: I live simply and well below my means. Last time I checked, I spend about a third of what I earn.

Excessive spending traps people into working full-time until they’re 65. It creates a vicious circle where they have limited free time; just want a break and are willing to pay a lot for a quick relief. If you drive to work everyday, purchasing a comfortable car suddenly makes sense. Yet that expense is one of the reasons you’ll have to actually drive to work most of your life.

As ironic as it sounds, it’s expensive to work. Higher rent, transportation, child care… think of the additional costs workers put up with. Add to that inconveniences such as traffic, schedules, alarm clocks, having a boss, and all the free time burnt along the way. Isn’t that a high price to pay… to work?

I see work as an investment, and if I happen to work for money’s sake, which I still do, I want to get the best return out of my time spent. All factors considered, selling my time in an expensive urban location is not the wisest investment.

A busy worker lifestyle doesn’t lend itself well to cheap activities either. When free time is scarce, we can’t afford to waste it on inexpensive but time-consuming tasks like cooking, home maintenance, walking or gardening.

Now, I’m not suggesting we go back to the stone age and farm our way to survival. Unless you enjoy gardening, it surely makes more sense to buy food than to grow it. What I’m getting at is that the 9-to-5 grind has hidden costs, and that more efficient – and enjoyable – alternatives exist.

With plenty of leisure time, I find joy in activities that are both useful and save money. In fact, most of what I enjoy in life is free, but takes time. Reading, meditating, hiking, writing, composing music, having friends over… none of that is as enjoyable when I’m in a rush. I like my life with broad margins, loose schedules and vague plans, so that I can find profound satisfaction in simply living. Fortunately, such a way of life can be sustained without much money. For example, a major benefit of being a location-independent worker is living wherever you want. That can result in huge savings. A few months back, I bought a place in a slightly remote location, in Canada. It was ridiculously cheap and fits my lifestyle a lot more than an urban apartment.

This place costs me about 200$ a month to live in, which is incredibly cheap by western standards. It’s also a lot smaller than most houses, meaning less home-maintenance and you guess it… more free time!

By rethinking our spending habits and priorities, and focusing directly on what generates happiness, I believe we can live a much freer and rewarding life. The equation is simple: if you like freedom more than you like stuff, frugality is the way to go.

Freedom from the mind

Wanting little is one of the skills that serves me best. However, I didn’t force frugality upon myself, it came naturally. A common misconception is that frugality is a struggle, a sacrifice. For me, it was the inevitable result of self-inquiry. Meditating led me to realize that what made me profoundly happy was always available right here, right now.

In the past, I felt like pursuing a career or a social status would lead me to a state of satisfaction, a place of “mission accomplished”. When deep satisfaction was found within, these superficial quests faded away. That removed a huge layer of anxiety about the future. The uncomfortable urge to “get somewhere” in worldly pursuits is gone. It’s only natural that such realizations have led to a less “goal-oriented” lifestyle.

To finish, here’s a quote from Herman Hesse’s Siddharta I find inspiring. It demonstrates the freedom brought by breaking mental bondages.

“What is it that you’ve learned, what you’re able to do?”

“I can think. I can wait. I can fast.”

“That’s everything?”

“I believe, that’s everything!”

“And what’s the use of that? For example, the fasting– what is it good for?”

“It is very good, sir. When a person has nothing to eat, fasting is the smartest thing he could do. When, for example, Siddhartha hadn’t learned to fast, he would have to accept any kind of service before this day is up, whether it may be with you or wherever, because hunger would force him to do so. But like this, Siddhartha can wait calmly, he knows no impatience, he knows no emergency, for a long time he can allow hunger to besiege him and can laugh about it. This sir, is what fasting is good for.”

Most of us deal with boredom, feeling empty and dissatisfaction by seeking external fixes. This leads to an endless chase because the ultimate barrier to complete freedom is the mind, not the world. The fundamental chains your need to cut yourself from are your own habits, desires and fears. You can easily live free if you make it a priority. Don’t live under the illusion that it will come later. Retirement, or other worldly achievements, are not the light at the end of the tunnel.

That being said, life shouldn’t be spent working towards distant mirages. Living the way you want is a possibility, not a fantasy. It’s never been easier to live on your own terms, take advantage of it!

Inspiration and related reads:

• On rethinking work: The Four Hour Workweek
• On the reason behind the 40-hour workweek: Your Lifestyle has Already Been Designed
• On simply living: Walden
• On retiring at 30 years old: Getting Rich: From Zero to Hero in one blog post

In eastern philosophy, feeling empty is a spiritual milestone. It’s seen as a blessing, a doorway to freedom. When you feel empty, you become receptive. I know, it doesn’t necessarily feel good. Don’t worry, feeling empty isn’t the final destination. It’s a vehicle for growth.

Your life is governed by subconscious desires and assumptions. The moment you decide to take responsibility for them, you start living consciously. Walking as the leader of your own existence is rewarding, but also challenging.

To stop living as a victim of the circumstances, you need independence ; freedom. And you’ll never be free unless you learn to deal with feeling empty. The feeling of emptiness can be disconcerting at first, but developing a healthy relationship to it will lead to an empowered life.

Thanks Roberto Trombetta from Flickr

Emptiness is the space that takes over when you stop distracting yourself. It is what you wake up to in the morning. It is the last thing that happens before you fall asleep. It usually goes unnoticed, but is always in the background. It’s the fundamental state you return to when you stop doing stuff. When emptiness comes to your attention, you’ll start feeling empty. And if you can’t deal with this feeling of emptiness, your whole life will be affected.

In a world that encourages activity, emptiness is considered a waste. The more productive you are, the better you feel. Every unoccupied minute has to be maximized. No space left. Our mediocre school system teaches you that if you don’t get stuff done, you’re worthless.

By filling our time with commitments and distractions, we tend to forget what’s behind them. We condition ourselves to despise the space between our activities. Our inactive default state – space – becomes something to get away from. We try to escape from feeling empty inside. We might learn to meditate, but even this can be reduced to an activity. Ten minutes of meditation are added on the schedule. Another element on the to-do list.

This habit of constantly filling up space makes us dependent. Since we can’t deal with lack of movement, we lower the bar for what we accept in our actions and thoughts. Everything becomes better than nothing. We readily accept mediocrity. At least when doing mediocre activities, we don’t feel so empty.

Ever went for groceries when starving? What happened? You ended up buying too much junk. Because of your hunger, you lowered the bar and bought food you normally wouldn’t have. You were victim of your own discomfort.

What about people who seek an intimate relationship no matter what? They lower the bar and end up with the crappiest people. They tolerate poor relationships because it’s better than feeling empty and alone.

Your life is dominated by similar patterns. Every action you take arises from a desire to change the way you feel. There’s nothing wrong with that. However, when you’re uncomfortable with feeling empty you’ll constantly act out of neediness, like a hungry animal. You’ll seek to fill your half-full cup with external events. Your actions will be reactive, and your whole environment will reflect that.

It’s possible to reverse the conditioning and live from a ground of satisfaction and peace. A feeling of emptiness could become your refuge. Ever wondered how life would be if you were comfortable with … nothing? Imagine how simple it would be. No more need to fill up your free time. No more fear of waiting anywhere. No more anxiety of being alone.

You wouldn’t tolerate bullshit anymore. Your actions would be authentic and clear. You would be confident, knowing that you can always deal with the worst ; feeling empty.

Life exists outside of doing stuff. Stop covering it and let emptiness break you and shine through. You’ll see that space is the gateway to creative living. Emptiness will break the boundaries of your mind. Use the feeling of emptiness to liberate yourself, and walk out as a free human.

If you’re faced with long-lasting and overwhelming feelings of emptiness, you should also get professional counselling. Here’s an article on feelings of emptiness that provides more info on the topic.

Texting while sitting on the toilet. Watching TV before you fall asleep and checking Facebook during the commercials. Talking constantly to break the anxiety of silence. Making plans while never getting anything done.

Distractions are not fun anyway. They’re even tiring. So why do you distract yourself?

You do it because it’s comfortable. It’s not enjoyable, but it numbs the mind. It shields you from reality.

Here’s the definition of distraction:

A thing that prevents someone from giving full attention to something else.

Distracting yourself is a way of escaping what’s going on. It helps you stop worrying about a particular problem by turning your back on it. It makes you feel a sense of relief. The more you do it, the easier you fall back into it. Eventually, you’re addicted to this childish way of dealing with the world. It becomes your response to reality.

Feeling bored? You distract yourself
Feeling angry? You distract yourself
Feeling depressed? You distract yourself

There’s nothing fundamentally wrong with distractions. They’re easy and comfortable activities. But if you use them as an escape from life dissatisfactions, you’re basically drugging yourself with meaningless stimuli.

Addiction to distraction is everywhere. It’s at the root of many eating disorders and drug problems. It feeds procrastination and causes countless accidents.

The problem is simple: distractions are unsatisfying. Like any drug, they leave you craving for more. Even worse, they make you feel apathetic. When you’re distracting yourself, you’re taking away your attention from reality. You’re not really living.

You know what I’m talking about. That moment where you brain convinces you that taking a 5 minute break is smart.  The instant you give up and fall into unconsciousness; checking once more if something’s up on Facebook.

Numbing yourself up as you scroll down.

That damn 5 minutes break that lasts half an hour.

That break isn’t even a break anyway.  A true pause calms your mind. A real “time-out” refreshes you and gives you energy to come back to your purpose wholeheartedly.

Next time your brains calls a break, it’s fine. There’s no need to fight that desire. Take a real break:

Fully stop what you’re doing for 2 minutes. Turn away from the desk and watch the wall. Nothing else. Don’t get distracted. Don’t focus anywhere, just take a break. Let go of everything that seems important. Let go of the urge to get somewhere, of the craving to do something.

That’s what I call a real break. It will relax you and make your thoughts clearer. Observe how your purpose aligns itself back on track. Do you get the same empowerment from a Facebook break? From watching Breaking Bad?

What do professional athletes do during time-outs? Check their e-mail? Update their Twitter?

No. They pause and reflect. They clarify their vision and re-center themselves. That’s the true meaning of a break. It leaves them motivated and ready to take action.

Deep inside you, there’s a craving for something more. Something doesn’t want to settle for mediocrity. It never will.  No matter how much crap you overwhelm your brain with, you’ll always feel empty. Your brain will keep asking for more distractions out of habit, but it never will be satisfied.

You have to break through this vicious circle.

Ever wondered what would happen if you stopped distracting yourself?

There would be space. And initially, that space would feel awkward. Like any respectable drug addict, you’d want to distract yourself again. You’d feel empty; it may become overwhelming.

But eventually, you’d start enjoying this new feeling. Stop distracting yourself, and slowly your head will come out of the water.

When you allow a bit of space in your life, joy and peace will emerge. You’ll connect with people easily. You’ll think outside the box effortlessly. Your thoughts will be clear, and your actions lucid. You’ll suddenly feel like you have more time.

Do you want to have a mind that requires constant activity? Or to you want to live from a basic state of clarity?

Space can become your default state. It will eventually be, if you stop distracting yourself.

The untrained mind is easily distracted. How can you train it? With meditation!

The reason why you can’t think creatively

Thinking outside the box implies a box. This box consists of all your beliefs and preconceived ideas about reality. It is a group of concepts you accept and don’t question. For example, you likely take for granted your name, the color of green or the fact that eating makes hunger disappear. Assumptions like these are useful. They allow you to communicate, make theories and predict events. This faculty has developed science. Humans are remarkably good at creating concepts. They’re competent at building well-furnished boxes.

Unfortunately, this tendency to conceptualize reality also has side effects. In fact, this box destroys creativity. It sets fences in your mind. It establishes a perimeter that determines what conscious thoughts can arise. When you think inside the box, you are limited. You copy what already exists. This is not necessarily problematic, but it often is suboptimal.

Ideas are constantly flowing in your subconscious mind. You’re not aware of most of them because they are blocked. They fall outside the box. Your mind constantly filters out stuff that it doesn’t consider relevant. To develop creativity, you need the ability to suspend that filter. You have to step out of concepts. It’s certainly doable. You do it every night ; it’s called dreaming.

You shouldn’t wonder how to be creative. It’s dis-empowering. Creative thinking is natural and easy. Children are immensely creative. All the dreams you have at night are innovative and unique. Being uncreative is actually much harder. Seeing through rigid concepts requires a lot of mental effort. It took you years of training!

Instead, ask yourself : “How do I manage to be so uncreative?“.

Stepping out of the box

To think outside the box, you have to step out of it. That means suspending judgments and labels. It’s impossible to be creative if you’re caught in prejudice. School taught you to rely on the box to solve problems. It made you remember existing answers to problems. That’s a very uncreative approach to problem-solving.

Let’s step out of the box.

Look at your hand now. What do you see?

“A hand”?

Where does the hand start?
Where does it end?
What would half a hand look like?

Observe the tendency of the mind to impose a fixed, simplistic label on everything. When you label reality, you stop seeing it. You only see names and concepts. You separate yourself from the world.

Try to see your hand without commenting it. Don’t give it a name. Don’t put it in a box.

What do you actually see? A hand? Fingers? Nails? Shapes? Lines? Dots? Colors?
Your hand has a lot to offer you. And that’s only the visual part of it.

If you can’t look at your hand without imposing a structure, you’ll have a hard time creating anything.

How could a blank page turn into a unique text? You’ll only see a white piece of paper.
How would a virgin canvas become an original painting? Nothing to copy from.

The source of creative thinking

Observe creative people you know. Chances are they’re very emotional. It’s not a coincidence. They use their emotions to step out of thought. They don’t get their inspiration from emotions, but emotions allow them to get to a creative place. Some people prefer drugs, others meditate. The destination is the same. It’s within everyone.

As a young child, your world was unlabeled. Objects had no names. They were fresh. Unique. Unrestricted by concepts, you were unbelievably creative.

Eventually, it got practical to label things to communicate. You took interest in learning names. You felt like the world around you could be grasped, understood. It was a fun game, but you got lost in it. You forgot that names were only “names”, and started taking them as reality. The world gradually lost its aliveness. It got “conceptualized”. Things somehow got dimmer. What once fascinated you stopped being close to your heart.

By labeling things, you associated fixed concepts to them. Concepts are empty; they’re nothing more than pointers. If you take pointers for reality, everything becomes bland. When you see the world through ideas, reality loses its dynamism.

When this: becomes “ a chair”, reality is narrowed down. What was infinitely complex, rich and unique is reduced to a concept. Ask a kid what she can do with a chair. She’ll easily come up with 20 different uses. How many can you come up with?

What came before the chicken and the egg?

What is.

You don’t need to destroy the box, you simply have to open it. When the box is open, you can freely use its content, but are not restricted by it. You’re much closer to truth when you see without inner commentary. And this truth is fresh. It is creative.

Next time you need a creativity booster, stop whatever you’re doing. Including labeling and wanting. Close your eyes for a moment.

Then look at your hand, and see it. See it for real. The fingers and nails. The shapes. The lines and colors.

Really do it, and you’ll jump back where you belong. Outside the box.

Image credit: Eyedzard

What is sleep paralysis?

According to most who’ve experienced it, sleep paralysis is one of the scariest episodes you can go through. Historically, sleep paralysis has been mislabeled as ghost attack, demonic possession, or even extraterrestrial encounter. Having experienced the “sleep paralysis demons” myself, I understand how people can believe such things.

In a sleep paralysis episode, people wake up paralyzed, trapped in their body and sensing a malevolent presence in their room. They often get terrifying auditory, visual and even tactile hallucinations. Strangely, the most commonly reported experience is that of being asphyxiated by a demon or a witch. It is intriguing that these sleep paralysis demons have been reported by most who’ve experienced sleep paralysis.

Fortunately, sleep paralysis has been studied by scientists and a satisfying medical explanation has been found. While dreaming, the brain naturally paralyzes the body for safety reasons so that, for example, our legs don’t move when we dream about chasing a rabbit. In rare circumstances, your brain can keep your body paralyzed even though you mentally wake up. You thus find yourself lying in your bed, fully conscious, yet only able to move your eyes – as they aren’t paralyzed during sleep. Since your brain still is half-asleep, you experience the same hallucinations than occur a dream, only with your eyes open. Obviously, most people panic when they wake up paralyzed, and this fearful mental state creates very, very scary scenarios. Sleep paralysis can occur before falling asleep or upon waking up, the latter being by far the most common.

An interesting fact is that your eyes are indeed physically open during the experience, so what you see is indeed your “real room”, but mixed with the hallucinations created by your brain. I used to think the room I saw was created by my mind, but recently, someone sleeping next to me noticed my eyes being open during an experience. Freaky, isn’t it?

Henri Fuseli’s depiction of sleep paralysis. The black horse represents Satan.

How to deal with sleep paralysis?

At this point, you may wish you’ll never experience sleep paralysis! I’ve actually experienced sleep paralysis hundreds of time and thus have had the opportunity to study it extensively. Although it is a frightening phenomenon to the inexperienced. Sleep paralysis can be an invaluable tool if approached and understood properly. Sleep paralysis can be used to achieve altered states of awareness and to study the nature of the mind.

So, what can you actually do besides getting scared out of your wits? The main two things I love using sleep paralysis for are meditating and lucid dreaming.

Using sleep paralysis to meditate. Since most meditation techniques usually involve starting out by relaxing the body, one can definitely use the fact that the body is asleep to achieve deep meditative and trance states super quickly. Implicitly, meditation techniques often aim to reduce your brain wave frequency. When awake, your brain will usually be in a “beta” state, which ranges from 13 to 30hz. Most beginner meditators achieve at most an “alpha” state, which ranges from 8 to 13hz…

But when you enter sleep paralysis, your brain automatically is in the “theta” state, which ranges from 4 to 8hz. This state allows for more profound meditative experiences, assuming you can cope with the initial hallucinations caused by sleep paralysis. Personally, I simply close my eyes, ignore the hallucinations and start meditating. After experimenting with many, my favorite meditation technique is Vipassana, but feel free to try your own! You’ll likely get auditory and perhaps even tactile hallucinations for a little while but keep meditating vigilantly and trust me, they’ll quickly fade away.

Using sleep paralysis to lucid dream. One of the fundamental goals when trying to lucid dream from a waking state (Wake-Induced Lucid Dreams) is to relax the body to the point where it is asleep while the mind is awake. The hardest step when attempting to lucid dream in this way is the relaxation phase, and the inability to sufficiently relax is why most people fail at it. However, if you wake up in a sleep paralysis state, 95% of the work has been done for you! Your body is fully relaxed, and the only thing left to do is to close your eyes, imagine a dream and enter it! Personally, I’ve had great success imagining myself “sinking” in bed and emerging in a new world of my choice.

Sleep paralysis can also help you fight your fears, since everything you’ll be experiencing is created by your own mind. Sleep paralysis has put me face to face with some of my fears and with time, it has become much less scary. Most of the time, I’ll just see random people looking at me, sometimes even friends of mine! They often talk, which is a great opportunity for me to “communicate” with my subconscious mind!

How to stop sleep paralysis

Although it has interesting uses, it is still useful to know how to stop sleep paralysis. This knowledge will also help not panic and maintain a calm mind during the experience.

Most tips I have read involve trying to move a toe or a finger to break the paralysis. I find this method’s efficiency to be very limited ; often enough, you won’t be able to move an inch.

The key to getting back to full wakefulness is to send a signal to your body so that it realizes that your mind is awake and stops the paralysis. Since the only two things you’ll be able to control in a full sleep paralysis are your eyes and your breath, you can take advantage of the latter and escape sleep paralysis by altering your breathing pattern. For example, by taking shorter or longer breaths, your body will notice the change and respond to it by stopping the paralysis. It takes less than 30 seconds to escape sleep paralysis with this technique.

Conclusion

Sleep paralysis is scary at first but it proves to be a fascinating phenomenon once you transcend the frightening stuff it induces. Your mind will be blown!

In a lucid dream, you are aware that you’re dreaming. This allows you to vividly experience and remember your dreams. But most importantly, you can control them. Although lucid dreams can occur spontaneously, lucid dreaming is a skill that can quickly be learned by anyone.

Lucid dreams are similar to what people do in the movie Inception. It’s not surprising the producer, Chris Nolan, is a lucid dreamer!

Why lucid dream?

Lucid dreaming is incredibly fun. With experience, you’ll fly, create fantastic scenarios and visit mind-blowing places. The feeling of freedom is unique and the richness of lucid dreaming experiences is outstanding.

Lucid dreaming can be used as a source of inspiration. It allows you to think outside the box. Scientists like Albert Einstein, Nikola Tesla and Richard Feynman used lucid dreaming to visualize some of their theories and solve challenging problems. Artists such as James Cameron, Stephen King and Salvador Dali also lucid dreamed to come up with fresh and creative ideas. A quick look at Dali’s paintings will give you a glimpse of how outlandish lucid dreams can get.

It’s also an invaluable tool for self-reflection. Lucid dreaming allows you to get profound insights into your own psychology. According to Freud, dreams are the “royal road to the subconscious”. In a lucid dream, you can directly interact with your subconscious mind. In fact, I often ask questions to “dream characters”. I’m discussing with my subconscious. Some of these discussions have been life-changing.

Moreover, studies showed that lucid dreaming is helpful in reducing not only nightmares but also depression and low self-esteem problems. Lucid dreams give you the opportunity to face your fears, to outgrow them and become a stronger version of yourself.

How to lucid dream?

There are two ways you can induce lucid dreams. Normal dreams in which the dreamer becomes aware are called “dream-induced lucid dreams” (DILDs). When one enters a lucid dream from a waking state without loss of consciousness, this is a “wake-induced lucid dreams” (WILDs). When you do a DILD, awareness springs from the dream state. When you do a WILD, the dream sprouts from awareness.

Dream-induced lucid dreams (DILDs)

The majority of lucid dreams star off as a “normal” dreams where eventually, the dreamer becomes aware. The key to maximizing your odds of having a DILD is to increase the frequency of your dreams and the probability that you will become lucid during these dreams. Most of the methods explained below work both ways for optimal results.

The techniques below increase the likelihood that you will become lucid when dreaming.

Reality checks. A reality check consists of verifying whether you are dreaming or not. By often doing reality checks, it will become a habit. And this habit will continue while you’re dreaming, which is when you’ll become lucid. Your tests have to be chosen carefully ; you have to select something that will always fail in a dream. Here are my favorite reality checks:

1. Reading. Try to read something, look away and then look back at it and see if it has changed. If you’re in a dream, the words will be scrambled or unreadable.
2. Breathing. Try to breathe with your mouth and nose shut. In a dream, you’ll succeed.
3. Solid surfaces. Try to pass your hand through a solid surface. I like trying to pass my fingers through the palm of my other hand. This is more discreet than trying to go run through a wall Harry Potter-style and can be done anywhere.
4. Light switch. Attempt to turn the lights on and off. Weirdly, this usually fails in a dream.
5. Hands. Look at your hands. Do they look normal? Do you have extra or missing fingers? My hands often “melt” when I look at them in a dream.

For reality checks to work, be sure to do them consciously. Genuinely ask yourself if you are dreaming. If you do them on auto-pilot and take for granted that you’re awake, you’ll fail to become lucid when dreaming.

Self-affirmations. Before going to bed, repeat to yourself “I will have a lucid dream tonight”. It will also help to recall your dreams.

Wake-up, back-to-bed. This is commonly called WBTB. This technique consists of waking up before your normal wake-up time, usually after 4 to 6 hours of sleep. Next, wake up your mind by performing a mildly stimulating activity like crosswords or reading. Reading about lucid dreaming is an even better idea. You want to wake up your mind while keeping your body tired. Then, go back to sleep within an hour. Your dreams will be vivid, and it will be easier to become lucid. Although not as efficient as WBTB, taking a short nap in the afternoon yields similar benefits.

Daily awareness. The more you are aware during the day, the more conscious you’ll be in your dreams. Pay full attention to your daily activities. Be present. If you’re always on auto-pilot, you’ll keep that habit during sleep.

Note that these techniques are not mutually exclusive. Using them all will yield the best results.

Wake-induced lucid dreams (WILDs)

WILDs are indeed wild! Wake-induced lucid dreams are more realistic than normal dreams. They give you more control over the dream. They require training, but are the most reliable way to lucid dream. The goal here is to fall asleep consciously and to create your own dream. Here are the steps to do a WILD:

1. Relax your body. Relax as much as possible while maintaining a fully awake and alert mind. Lie comfortably and let your body gradually fall asleep. I like to scan each part of my body and relax them one by one. I concentre on their “heaviness”. When your body is relaxed enough, you will start seeing shapes and colors. This is called “hypnogogic imagery”. Once you experience them, move to the next step.
2. Create your dream. At this stage, you’ll be able to play with the shapes and colors. Use them to create a simple dream scene. I like to imagine an infinitely long white corridor with hundreds of doors. When you “see” your dream scenario, move to the next step. If you have trouble visualizing, you can also imagine other stimuli: sounds, tactile sensations or odors. See what works best for you.
3. Enter your dream. The final step is to fully enter the lucid dream. Interact with an element or try to move within your “dreamland”. Explore it to fully immerse yourself in the dream. I like the long white corridor because I can simply open one of the doors and enter it. I never know what’s behind it. It’s a fantastic adventure every time!

Do not be disappointed if you don’t initially succeed with WILDs. It takes some practice to master, but it’s worth it. I find that they’re easier to do when combined with the “Wake-up, Back-to-bed” method. Your body will already be highly relaxed.

Conclusion

You’ll be amazed by the outstanding power of your brain the first time you lucid dream. Be sure to let me know how it went, it’s always interesting and fun to read lucid dreaming experiences!

photo credit: h.koppdelaney